How to find the right therapist

If you’re not sure how to find the right therapist, you’re not alone. I’ve been there myself – looking at a row of counselling directory photos and wondering which one to click on.

Instagram has picked up on this too – I’ve seen a few posts about what makes a “good” or “bad” therapist. But finding the right therapist isn’t like sussing out the good cop vs. bad cop. Casting it as a good/bad question can actually get in the way of something that is very personal to you.

This blog won’t tell you how to decide if someone is a good or bad therapist, but it will offer solid guidance to help you understand what to look for and trust yourself to know when it feels right.

Once you’ve read it, you’ll be more confident to find a safe and ethical therapist, who is also a good ‘fit’ for you.

Why finding the right therapist matters

You might have come across stories in the news where a therapist has caused real harm – and thankfully, those cases are rare. But even outside these extreme situations, it’s possible to have an experience of therapy that feels unhelpful, uncomfortable or even harmful.

It might be that you’ve already had a difficult experience yourself. This can be deeply painful, having allowed yourself to be vulnerable with someone, only to feel misunderstood or dismissed.

I’ve been there myself, with a counsellor who questioned the truth of a distressing experience that I’d never shared before. Even though it was years ago, I still remember how it felt to be missed so completely. How small I felt sitting in the chair opposite her.

However, a bad experience doesn’t mean that therapy doesn’t work, and it’s worth persevering to find the right person for you. I kept looking and found a wonderful therapist who I felt safe with, and trusted. Every week, she supported me to ground myself, stayed with me patiently as I worked to understand myself better and, every now and then, shared a laugh (truly – I wouldn’t be without that bit!).

How to find the right therapist

Start with you

As a first step, it can help to have a think about what you’re looking for. Are you hoping for practical tools and strategies? A space to explore your past? Support with relationships, or help processing a specific experience? You might not know yet, and that’s okay. Sometimes my clients come to me knowing only that something isn’t right, and that’s exactly where we start.

Whatever you’re carrying, the most important thing is that you find someone who is properly trained, safe and ethical. But credentials are only part of the picture. Here are the things I’d encourage you to look for:

Qualifications and experience

In the UK, many qualified counsellors will have completed training to at least Level 4 Diploma standard, with some going further into degrees or specialist training. Good training isn’t just about theory. It includes supervised practice and personal development, both of which matter enormously when you’re putting your trust in someone. Don’t be afraid to ask more if you’re not sure about the depth of training someone has done.

Membership of a professional body

Look for therapists who are registered or accredited with the BACP, UKCP, or a similar body. Membership means they are bound by an ethical framework, required to keep their skills current through ongoing development, and supported by regular supervision. Other signs of an ethical practitioner include clear boundaries, transparency about how they work, and a genuine commitment to accessibility, so that their practice is inclusive and reachable for a wide range of people.

Clarity about how they work

There are many different therapeutic approaches, from person-centred and psychodynamic to Gestalt, Transactional Analysis and CBT. Many therapists draw on more than one. What matters is that they can explain how they work in plain language, and that it resonates with what you’re looking for. A good therapist won’t mystify the process or keep you guessing.

For instance, I’m clear from the first session that I don’t offer advice, and I’m not there to fix anyone. What I’m there to do is support you in understanding yourself more deeply, at a pace that feels right for you.

Openness to feedback

A confident therapist won’t expect everything to go smoothly. They should welcome your feedback, including when something doesn’t feel right. I work relationally, which means I’m genuinely interested in what happens between us in the room. If you feel misunderstood or uncomfortable, that’s not something to brush aside. Often, it’s exactly where the most meaningful work begins.

Trust your first impression

Many therapists offer an initial consultation, and I’d encourage you to use it. Notice how you feel in that first conversation. Do you feel listened to? Safe? Is there something in how they speak that puts you at ease, or that jars a little? You don’t have to be able to name it. Your instincts are telling you something worth paying attention to. It’s also absolutely fine to speak to more than one therapist before deciding. This is your process, and you can take your time with it.

The therapeutic relationship

While all of the above matters, what research has shown, time and again, is that the single strongest predictor of whether therapy helps is not the approach, the qualifications or even the years of experience. It’s the relationship between you and your therapist. That feeling of being truly seen. Of being safe enough to say the things you’ve never said out loud before. That’s where change happens.

So, what does a good therapeutic relationship feel like? You feel heard and understood, even if it takes a little time to get there. You feel emotionally safe and free from judgement. You feel able to be honest, even about the difficult things. And you feel accepted, just as you are. It doesn’t mean the work is always easy. Therapy can challenge you, sit with you in discomfort, and ask you to look at things you’d rather not. But through all of it, there should be a steady sense that your therapist is alongside you, not working against you.

You deserve to feel supported

Finding the right therapist can take a little time and hopefully this blog has given you a better idea of what to look for. Starting therapy can feel like a big leap of faith but what I want you to hold onto is this: the right person is out there, and when you find them it can be genuinely transformative.

You don’t have to feel broken to begin. You don’t have to have reached a crisis point. If something in your life feels heavy, or if you’ve simply reached a place where you’d like more support, that’s more than enough of a reason to start.

If you’d like to find out more about working with me, I offer a free initial consultation. You can get in touch via my contact page, and we can take it from there, at whatever pace feels right for you.

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